Internal spring cleaning

Two weeks ago I had my exams for term 3. The week after we had a week off because of resits that did not apply to us. This week I have exactly one day of class and the week after I have a break. I’m not complaining, obviously, but with all that spare time I am starting to really lose my motivation. In general, I find it hard to stay motivated at school. I know this sounds like a luxury problem but in general whether I put in a lot of time and effort or not, really does not affect my results all that much. I’m guessing that’s because when I do put in time and effort most of that goes into fighting with myself and my attention deficit issues. Still, it seems so pointless sometimes.

The weird thing is that a lot of people experience a kind of slump during autumn because the year is ending or maybe during the winter because of a lack of vitamin D, but I tend to get this way each year when spring comes around. It’s weird because I love spring and yet it fills me with this complete unrest. I always want to be doing something but I don’t know what. The only thing I know is that school is not it and that the things I do want are not possible or just really difficult to attain.

I have an idea though, which might help me out. There’s one big spring trend that a lot of people take part in; a big spring cleanse. Tidying and cleaning up the house so it’s all ready for the new year. Well, I can’t say I’m very motivated to do that, but I can do an internal cleanse. What’s happening and why and more importantly which elements do I need to keep around, tidy up or brush off and which do I need to throw out because they are no use to me anymore? Bitterness about the past, anxiety, regrets.. I can’t throw those out. But ambitions, hopes and dreams? I should probably keep those around and put them in a more convenient place so I can get to them when I need to.

Okay, yeah, so I get that this sounds insanely corny and that’s not my favourite thing in the world. Still, it’s something that keeps coming back to me each year, so this year I’m going to try and make it into something productive instead.