Rekindling my creative efforts

Here’s the thing. I have always played musical instruments. As a kid I played the recorder after which I transitioned on to the guitar and finally I taught myself the absolute basics of playing the piano. Still, with all those hours I supposedly have devoted to music I can hardly play. The issue is that I’m lazy, insanely so. Even when I was young and I used to have music lessons every week with accompanying homework I hardly practiced. I kind of rolled with whatever would come easily to me and it’s always sounded at best just okayish.

Lately I have been feeling a bit restless so I have decided to start rekindling my efforts a bit. When I was younger I kind of had hopes for myself and I even played around with writing songs for a bit. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they were nothing more than shitty, but it was fun and a way of keeping me occupied and challenged. I haven’t done that in years though. After a while I found out that I was, to put it kindly, not good at it so I stopped and refocused my energy on being lazy once more. However, a couple of nights ago I suddenly felt the urge to try again. Not so much to write a killer song but for once to try and improve my skills and see if I can actually make something sound a tad better than just barely okay.

I won’t bore you with the details of this process as it involves a lot of disruptions for my neighbours and housemates and a lot of me wanting to throw my guitar across the room but at the same time it feels really good to challenge myself a bit again in a creative way. Basically, I’ve let go of this weird idea that I can’t do anything if I’m not good at it and I’m just enjoying myself. Cause in the end that’s all that matters, right?