My top tips for fighting off a cold

Yesterday I woke up with a sneeze attack which lasted for about 10 minutes, after which I was incapable of going back to sleep. I don’t know if it’s just me but there’s just something about uncontrollable sneezing as well as running through the room to fetch tissues that really helps me wake up in the morning, even if it’s only 7am. Anyways, I have a cold. I’ve been having those so often for the past year. I’ve been coughing for about 6 out of 12 months, actually. As for the sneezing and sniffling, I think that for all the money I have wasted on tissues I could have now been able to afford myself a nice one bedroom apartment. I think that because of this I’m just about qualified enough now to start giving advice on the subject. So, here are my tips for fighting off a cold.

1. Surrender

In my experience the cold is pretty merciless, but surrendering as soon as you notice it coming up could help. I suggest curling up into a ball in the corner of the room or spreading flat out on the floor in the middle of the living room. Hoodies are also great ways of giving in to the dread, especially when you are actually supposed to keep living your life.

(I mean, I’m joking, but honestly: giving up on trying to do everything you’re normally doing and cutting yourself some slack are actually good ways of recovering quickly.)

2. Tell everyone

My favourite thing is to walk around saying to friends and family that I’m going to die. Even if this is maybe not actually a very effective way of curing yourself, it at least ensures that nobody will ever take you serious again. For example, whenever I would lie on the floor screaming that I was going to die or just grunting loudly my mom would just walk past because she, somehow, always knew that it was just me overreacting to a bruised toe.

3. Get supplies

Once when I had a cold in England I put on sweatpants and a sweater and made my way to the grocery store looking like the walking dead. Still sniffling I then planted loads of vitamins and tissues on the counter, as well as a fair amount of chocolate. Thinking about it now, I’m still chuckling at the cashier who then asked me whether I was up to anything fun that day. I think I just kind of stared back at him blankly an then told him a resolute no. The point: get supplies, even if you have to show your frighteningly pale face to complete strangers. They probably won’t even notice anyway.

(Actually, I think I told him that I was ill, so no I wasn’t doing anything and he then proceeded to check my groceries for whether they were suitable. The vitamins and tissues were approved. The chocolate was not.)

Okay, yeah, that was it for today. I probably shouldn’t post this because I hardly know what I’ve been writing, but there we go. Back tomorrow with a hopefully more comprehensive scribble.